The Big 4O!

Can’t escape it, not anymore! It’s here! Well, it will be in a week – exactly 7 days from now – I will enter the 4th decade of my life!! When I think in terms of decades – the number still seems small 😛
I mean 4 vs 40…come on – work with me here 😉

Seriously speaking – don’t think it will be any different than turning 24 say or 37, or any age, for that matter. I thought it would – honestly, I was prepared for some earth-shattering insights into the world, humanity, my self! No such luck! The world, humanity and self all continue to feel and act much as they did when I was 37 – except of course the US just elected a black man to be President 😉
Aah…maybe this is a watershed year after all 😛

No complaints though – 2008 has been a fantastic year 🙂 Have had two ‘fantabulous’ trips each – to Europe and the US, work has been rewarding, friends have been supportive and family, loving! And now, here I am on the threshold of a new beginning – a time of change as I prepare for a new and challenging role – that of a mother. It’s one I’m unused to and didn’t particularly hanker after. One that made it’s way into my psyche, gradually, hesitantly, cautiously. And yet, now it seems firmly entrenched in my heart and soul – am nervous but not panicky, well not yet anyway!! Maybe when the toilet-training begins – my friends have been very helpful – painting vivid pictures 😛

And so I guess for me, what they say about turning 40 is true in a way – Life begins at 40 – and so it will for me – or at least, it will take off in a new direction, one that I am looking forward to 🙂

All this fuss over turning 40, got me to thinking about Life in general and decades in particular. Isn’t that what everyone that’s turning 40 is supposed to do? Ponder their life so far and plan for how they are going to make it more meaningful in the future? Well I’m not one for introspection – maybe it’s cause – all things considered – I’ve had a pretty great Life! Don’t really have any major regrets – that’s not to say that Life hasn’t been tough, yes it has, but nothing I couldn’t handle with the love and support of family and friends.

Speaking of decades, my first was fabulous – had a dreamy childhood, especially the 4 years spent in Japan, where I was first introduced to cartoons and colour television – Kid Heaven! The Teen years were, for lack of a better word, ‘typical’, full of angst, mood swings and craziness – my Mom will agree – made her cry many tears, I did! Sorry Mom! Through it all – managed to get through 5 years of Medical school, make the ‘best friend’ a girl could possibly have and find the ‘love of my life’! Not bad for a crazy teen huh??!! The twenties were more of the same – got married to the ‘love of my life’ though, amidst all the craziness 🙂 In the thirties at last I felt like I had a handle on Life. The craziness was tempered by the small amount of wisdom I had acquired thus far and I began to see a faint light at the end of the tunnel. And now, at 39, in the last year of what has been my favourite decade so far, I can honestly say that I like myself more than I liked myself at any other time in my Life!

Those who know me best, know that I am shy and reserved, even when I seem to be having a ball, that I am perfectly happy to be alone for days on end, that I avoid giving advice like the plague if I can help it(though some of it is pretty great!). that for all my bluster, I lack self-confidence and am not half as brave as I pretend to be, that I still find it hard to start conversation with a stranger and that I love dogs and books infinitely more than I will ever love people!

Since moving to Singapore, I like to think I’ve gotten better at some of the above! I’ve started working as an editor, a job that allows me to work with my first love – Books! I truly enjoy it and never in a million years ever thought I would be doing it! My confidence levels have improved and so have my social skills. I still find it hard to make polite conversation with people I dislike – but on the bright side, I don’t find the ‘need’ to be nice to too many people! And I still love dogs and books more than people – but I’m more patient with some humans 😉

I guess what I mean is – I’m just more comfortable in my own skin 🙂 Some people feel the need to grow a new skin when they reach milestones – me, I just like to give the old one a little wiggle now and again, so it fits better! Works for me! It feels right, fits like a dream – a perfectly tailored custom fit! I’m going to hang on to this feeling – I like it and I think it likes me right back – makes me a better person, a better friend, a better me!

And so it’s refreshing to think that the 40 years I have walked this planet have not been for nothing! It’s been an amazing journey – all those years of memorable and not so memorable moments, lessons learnt, goals achieved, friendships made, love given, love received – I have had all of that and more. Even though I haven’t changed the world in a big way, I have tried to better my own tiny universe and for me – that’s enough. Life is beautiful – more than I ever imagined possible, more than I thought I deserved…and I am grateful, very grateful to all those that have enriched it with their presence 🙂

So there…Bring on the big 4O – I’m rearing to go!

3 thoughts on “The Big 4O!

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