This post is just a rant…it’s not what I do on a regular basis publicly…vent I mean, I save that for my hubby, usually…but I just feel out of sorts today…one of those days, when nothing seems right, everything irritates and everyone is out to get you – or so you think!
Let me begin with what I think is a fact of life – certainly in my life experience – “There’s nothing scarier than 3 generations of women in the same kitchen!” It’s a sure fire recipe for disaster!! The fact that it’s your Mom or your Gran makes it worse not easier. Is it just me, or is it truly easier to forgive and forget strangers? People who pass through your life, leave an imprint or not, bring happiness or not, change your life’s course…or not. I’ve always considered myself to be a rational, non-prejudiced, non-judgmental kind of person – and yet when it comes to family – every rational thought goes straight through the window! For the life of me I can’t figure out why!
Why can I tolerate irritating friends but not an irritating Mom, a frustrating job but not a frustrating Gran, difficult help but not a difficult Dad? Don’t tell me you haven’t felt this way or thought about it…if you haven’t – you’re a saint and more power to you! Share your secret ‘coz I’m at my wits end!! Truly!!
So there it is – out in the open – I love my family but don’t like them an awful lot of the time. I never understood how important ‘like’ is! In my opinion – it’s crucial – much more important than love. Or maybe it’s the proverbial ‘Generation Gap’ ‘coz I live with a 65 year old, a 70 yr old and an 84 yr old, (I’m 40 – no baby myself!) all of whom are constantly telling me, how they have more life experience and therefore are ALWAYS right, no matter what the subject under discussion! A corollary to this statement is often – ‘We’re old, so we can’t change, you’ll just have to learn to forgive and forget what we say. We don’t really mean it anyway!”, which is code for “Shut Up and lump it!”
And yet after years of the same fights and arguments over and over – I cannot seem to stop making the same mistakes. The only way I know how is to be silent – if I say nothing, nothing will break! Right? Not! Silence as a rule, makes it all worse – ‘coz then they’re on my back about how I’m not normal (read – like them), how I’m so irritable (inherited – from them), and when all else fails, the tried and tested emotional blackmail card – played to perfection, every time, victory assured – “Can’t you just forget what we said ‘coz we’re old and how long do we have! Do whatever you want then!” I’m waiting to be ‘old’, whenever or whatever that is, ‘coz when your old, everything you say or do is automatically right and you can always play the ‘I’m old, forgive me, I know not what I say!!’ card, until the good Lord himself takes it away!
We’re different – like chalk and cheese are different, like cat and mice are different. We do everything differently – eat, drink, dress, sleep and think, most of all think differently – about people, about life, and very often we have nothing to say to each other, except cold words and sharp insults. Was it always like this? I think it was – just that when I was younger, they were younger and we each hid our feelings better. It’s makes me sad and yes I want it to end, but at the moment I don’t care. I’m tired and exhausted from trying to make changes for the better when all they want is to stew in the same routine – though that’s not what they say. “Oh no!”, they keep saying, “we want to make the change, of course we do! Just don’t expect it overnight.” “Fair enough – not a problem,” I say. Just that I’ve heard this line for 10 years now…how long does one need to change habits? Forever, my guess….but to be fair, what I think is better for them, may not be – and yet somehow I doubt that.
So, we all carry on, squabbling most of the time over trivial issues, maintaining an uneasy truce during the good times and me trying to be as silent as possible (mostly failing miserably – hence the post!)…after all they say ‘Silence is golden’, and when all is said and done – Family matters…right?