Exhausted!

Is what I am after the last 10 days! It’s been a roller coaster ride and not half as much fun…

Where should I begin… my Granny,  fell ill. She had a severe attack of viral diarrhea and needed IV fluids for 2 days to bring her back to the living. I monitored her two nights, heart in my mouth, praying.  She’s 84, which doesn’t help or so I thought…but I believe now in the strength and will power of old bones. They were made to last, to survive, to fight and they do! Thank Goodness 🙂

Mom kinda lost it…she was so terrified of losing Gran, she just froze. She couldn’t think up a menu for the day without help and it seemed like tears had taken up permanent residence…you get the picture. I’m not good with emotions, as in, I can’t handle my Mom’s! There…that particular cat is out of its bag! I can advise the whole world (good advice too!) and help them through the tough times, be patient, understanding and compassionate…and all of it disappears like a whiff of smoke when it comes to Mom.  I’m sure the universe has a plan, which is why we’re together – Mother & daughter – but it’s going to take a whole lot of lifetimes to figure this one out – so help me God, Universe, Anybody!

I must be the bane of her existence – a daughter that is forthright to the point of rudeness, abrasive, stubborn and extremely short-tempered. That sees faults in everything she does and says and is constantly trying to get her to change her ways. She responds by crying, which just makes me angrier or by moping, which is no better.  For my part – I long for the strong woman I knew – the one that raised a son with DMD with courage, resolve and a total lack of fear in tough conditions. Who dealt with his loss in the best way a mother who has lost her child can be expected to. A woman who though she cannot figure out what to cook for lunch, has a photographic memory for telephone numbers – a gift she passed on to my brother 🙂 The woman, who hates to cook but won’t admit it; hates housework but won’t admit that either – not to herself and certainly not to me! The woman who volunteered in school, entertained friends and managed her daughter’s wedding with aplomb and confidence…this is the woman I’m seeking, the one that is lost somewhere under the drudgery of routine and the burden perhaps of my own expectations.

So, the bottom line – I’ve had to deal with a sick Gran, a depressed Mom, a generally spaced out Dad, a husband who doesn’t know how to sit still, a toddler – much the same and my new helper – Pushpa (thank heavens for her)!!  Pushpa has been a Godsend!! The one silver lining, apart from Ishaan of course, who can make me laugh, no matter what 🙂 Truly – I have my fingers & toes crossed – but she seems to be working out – she gets along with Ishaan, helps Mom in the kitchen, pampers Granny and stays out of my dad’s way. Now if only I could be that way 😛

To add fat to the fire as it were, I’ve taken up a part-time job of answering medical questions online. It’s not hard, it’s even interesting, but it takes up every moment of time that I would have spent reading, writing this blog, just chilling…sigh…don’t ask me why I took it up at all, let alone now…I don’t know the answer to that or any other question right now…

All I know is…Gran is better, Mom is not and I’m exhausted…drained physically and mentally… conversations with my aunt and friends keep me sane and recharge my batteries…a big Shout – Out to you all. You know who you are 🙂

And now…the weekend is here…no questions to answer…just chilling time, with my boy and Facebook 😉

Thank God or whoever, for small mercies 🙂

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