This being my first post of 2010 and consequently of the decade, I wish I could have come up with a more imaginative title, but well, if wishes were horses and all that jazz…
So instead, here I am, and indeed here we all are, once more, at some imaginary threshold, that allegedly holds promise, has potential, renews hopes and dreams…another chance to sort out the chaos of our lives, our souls, our stories. I say allegedly, coz it isn’t really the year that hold anything is it? Even an idiot like me knows that! No, it’s US! We people, that hold promise, have potential, renew our hopes and dreams – US! ME!
This year, this decade, this time in my life, in many ways, offers me an opportunity to make a new beginning, if I want it. It says to me – Don’t be afraid, let go your fears, you’ve earned the right to have an opinion that goes against the tide and not have to apologize for it!
Free yourself, It whispers – don’t cling to the old, make way for the new – new friends, new experiences, new ideas, new goals, new horizons…a new way of being the same old me 🙂
Persevere, It cautions – change is good, but reactions to change may not always be…friendships may sour, ideas – crash and burn, children – rebel, family – dissent…hang in there, all good things to those who wait, but also to those that work to make them happen!
Smile :), It urges – there’s always a reason to smile! Haven’t had trouble finding one so far through all of Life’s craziness…the thought of a new book, the fact that we have water and electricity (believe me, in Goa, that’s a good enough reason to party!!), gin and tonic (heaven!), Ishaan dancing to the latest Bollywood hits :), the perfect morning cuppa, Pushpa – my help, my life-jacket , my oasis of calm in a frenzied day 🙂 and so many many more…
The rest is up to me, really!
I can’t explain why exactly, but I feel more up to Life’s challenges at this point in time than I ever did before. It’s strange really, cause I’m in unfamiliar territory and I mean that quite literally – have moved back to Goa and though it’s home, it hasn’t been for a while (14 years to be exact!) and so is new in pretty much every way! I’m a Mom – which is a totally, utterly, enchantingly and often exasperatingly overwhelming experience, again in every way! I’m dealing with the reality of Life without my brother – my soul mate that I lost (and sometimes I still cannot believe it’s true!) a year ago. It seems like yesterday…but I have found lately, that I can actually remember him with a smile 🙂 It still hurts, I think it always will, but it no longer paralyzes, ain’t that something?!
But I feel no fear – and the fact that I don’t feels weird! I should be quaking in my boots (if I ever got a chance to wear them in this awful unseasonal heat that is!). Instead I feel calm resolve, a feeling that is odd, not alien, just odd given the circumstances. I feel determined to make things work, I feel confident they will – is it the stars?? Probably!! Maybe when Saturn turns retrograde or Uranus trines Jupiter or some other planet slips up – I’ll be back to the quaking 😉 But somehow, I don’t think so…I feel like the proverbial turtle – slow and steady…winning is not a goal I have ever aspired to in Life…enjoying the journey though, now THAT is non-negotiable!
And to borrow from my favourite jingle – I Am Loving IT!!