Sometimes I think that’s how I sound! Like I’m all put together and know what I’m talking about, when reality can be and is so very often, different! That’s not to say that what I write is contrary or dishonest in any way (I can’t stand dishonesty! Just don’t see the point of it, as truth will out!), just presented in a way that makes me seem smarter than I am, in the way I live my life! But I guess that’s true for most people right? I mean, we all know the right things to do and the reasons why, but for all that, it’s not like we do them. No, we repeat our mistakes and indiscretions, riding our luck, until we’re caught out or finally learn the lesson we were supposed to! Well I do anyway! If you are one of those that learn after a single mistake – more power to you! Me, I am a plodder…
Anyhow, I attribute the appearance of smartness (feel free to disagree people!) when I write, to the time I take to think things over (sometimes over-thinking things to their death and my dismay), ponder and muss things out until I know exactly what I need to say and how best to say it without greatly offending my readers. Uh huh! I’m big on not offending…not to be politically correct…it’s just the way I am. I avoid conflict with friends saving it instead, for my beloved family 😉 (It’s my special gift to them :P). In real life, I tend to shoot my mouth off, put my foot in it, speak before I think and all the rest! Could you tell, from my posts so far, how impatient and short-tempered I am in ‘real’ life as opposed to my ‘virtual’ persona? I don’t think so! Well, I am. You best take my word for it and hope you never find out first-hand! Another gift I give only to the family! See, aren’t you glad we’re not related 😉 Another reason I avoid conflict, is ‘coz I think everyone is entitled to their own view and if there’s one lesson I have learnt, it’s that trying to change a point-of-view is for the most part a futile, time-wasting exercise. My parents taught me this particular lesson as I’m sure yours did 😉 So I present my point of view and let others hang on to theirs. Saves a lot of trouble all around! See, I’m much shallower than you thought huh? 😉
I’m a klutz too! I remember reading in Linda Goodman’s star signs (Do you remember reading her and hanging on to every word like it was gospel? LOL…I miss those silly days.), how Sagittarians can appear graceful one moment and fall flat on their faces in the next! It had something to do with being half-horse & half-man 🙂 Isn’t that a relief! Blame it on the stars 😉 I envy people born with grace, the likes of Audrey Hepburn and Princess Grace who to me, are the epitome of beauty and grace. With their delicate gestures, soft voices, elfin smiles and seemingly unflappable temperaments, they are a constant source of delight and the aforementioned envy. Nobody could ever accuse me of being graceful or delicate I’m sure! As for being soft and even-tempered – let’s just say that, my loud laugh (though I like to call it hearty!) and louder arguments (often referred to as ear-splitting by hubby!) have been known to cause minor earthquakes 😉 Unflappable I can aspire too – I’m good in a crisis and I don’t scare easily, so I’ll get there eventually. I just won’t be gracefully unflappable, but that would be nitpicking 😛 I know, I know, it’s not like Hepburn & Kelly were not human and I’m sure they had their moments of klutziness and anger; they just seemed able to control them better than I do. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.
This sharing of a few hitherto carefully concealed flaws (There are more to come. You have been warned!) is rather uncharacteristic, but also a relief. A relief to find that I can still surprise myself by doing stuff that is out of character and enjoy it :). A relief to find that I have progressed somewhat in my understanding of myself and am unafraid (mostly) to let it all hang out, as it were. It’s true, I’ll always be putting my best foot forward in public, just like the rest of the human race (It’s been ingrained into me since childhood and I’m too lazy to fight it now, another one of my fabulous flaws!), but for now, I’m enjoying the process of discovery that writing has got me started on.
I like playing archaeologist – uncovering layers of myself, long covered under the debris of years of societal and familial conditioning until I get to the original core that was. Whew! That’s a pretty smart sentence what? I’m rather proud of it! Told you – Smarter on Paper people!