It’s how I’ve been feeling these last two days!
Periods of light-headedness, with buoyant, wispy-white thoughts floating in my head; alternating with times when my head feels weighted down, heavy, bound by thick strands of worry. It could be one of several reasons – my body is pumped full of antibiotics for a cold that has now lingered far too long; PMS (Uugh!); subconscious fears of Ishaan starting play-school and how that whole scene will play out; general ennui after a period of intense, happy activity (the recent wedding I attended); reading too much of Ms. Blyton and the Famous Five off having adventures on Kirrin island, eating all that delicious food, that made my life and meals seem oh so dull & ordinary; the weather (rain – of that irritating on again, off again variety) and many more.
I lay in bed, two nights ago, somewhere on the cusp of sleep and wakefulness, thinking about stuff (I detest cusps, astrological and otherwise! They just seem like a fancy way of saying you’re neither here nor there, you’re in Limbo, which is where exactly?), what next and other such existential questions when the phrase just popped into my head. I said it out loud to myself, unheeding of snoring hubby, and I thought, “Interesting title for a blog post!”, never mind what about! That can come later…that’s what happens when you have a headful of cotton, you don’t make any sense until all the strands and threads are woven neatly into a fabric, no loose ends. And that can take a while or forever or may never happen, for all I know. Luckily, I still remembered it in the morning. Why cotton? your guess is as good as mine! I don’t think the nature of the fabric really matters, or does it? A headful of silk or nylon or rayon just doesn’t seem right. Wool is good and applicable, but I didn’t think of it, perhaps ‘coz I’m a woman of the tropics. Cotton on the other hand, aside from linen is my favorite fabric (again, it’s a tropical thing) and just seemed at that moment to define how I felt. I held on to the line for two whole days, during which I didn’t do much at all, except think about all the stuff I have to do…trust me my to do list is beginning to read like a short story, if not a full-blown novel! I just don’t seem to be able to find the motivation to get started, to get going…sigh…
Maybe that’s what led me to re-reading Life of Pi. (Another of my life-mantras, ‘When in doubt, reach for a book!’ If nothing else, they give you a valid reason to procrastinate longer.) And so I picked two books, Life of Pi and The Silmarillion (not that strange a combination when you think about it!), took them upstairs, and began to read. I decided to start with Life of Pi, simply because I really wanted to start with the other! I’ve read both before and the latter several times and I knew that if I started on it again, I would never get around to Life of Pi. My choice has reaffirmed my belief that when in need, fate leads you down the path you need to take. This is the exact book I needed to get me out of my funk and cotton-fields and back to the real world, which is weird (or maybe not), because the story is so surreal and requires suspension of all disbelief! All I can say is Richard Parker, in all his glorious orange magnificence, did for me, exactly what he did for Piscine Molitor Patel – yanked him out of stupor and into action.
Hence this post…after two days of dawdling I finally sat myself down and forced myself to write. This is the result…can’t say it’s about anything in particular ‘coz nothing in particular is happening at the moment. But next week will bring one of Goa’s major festivals, ‘Ganesh Chaturthi‘, the festival of the Elephant God which is celebrated in almost every household, including ours, and that will be an exciting if stressful time. This is Ishaan’s first Chaturthi and I’m looking forward to his reactions 🙂 We have 3 houses to visit this year, ours, my Mom’s and my Granny’s!
So there, that wasn’t too bad was it? Now, off to finish Pi. Will post review when I’m done.
And it is the weekend isn’t it? Happy week-ending People 🙂