My name is H and it has been 26 days since my last post. Ouch!
Two days ago I received a message from a friend on FB asking whether and I quote, “the Blog was a ‘THING OF THE PAST’…waiting.” Then today I finally logged on to the Blog and saw the message from my first Blogging buddy Maura who ‘hoped I hadn’t quit Blogging and that all was well’. All is Well in a manner of speaking Maura, and No I haven’t quit blogging and I’m sorry I made you think I had, and here’s the post to prove it! The Universe conspires…how many times have I heard that. A long conversation with a BFF, this morning (quite a morning I’ve been having eh?!), also began similarly…”Where have you been? No posts, No pictures?! What’s happening?!” With so many people missing me and hopefully missing my writing…well it made me very happy but not a little guilty. In fact, I’ve been living with separation anxiety and dealing with the massive guilt of not having written a line in a long while, for the last few weeks. I started revamping the Blog a while ago…sorting through posts, streamlining categories and generally trying to make the Blog feel more cohesive. I should have realized the futility of starting such an exercise just before school closed for Summer holidays! All I can say to that now of course, is Live & Learn! What with Ishaan’s Annual Day, yet another wedding in the family (It’s almost like the new code in town – a wedding is not a wedding unless it’s spread out over 3-4 days :P), the start of Ishaan’s holidays and my loss of those 4 priceless hours of freedom, two huge Birthdays in the first weeks of April (Ishaan’s & Hubby’s) – my Life has been one, crazy, mad rollercoaster of a ride!! I have a lot to say with no time to say it in…and it’s left me edgy, nervy and not a happy camper.
Some things will not change for a while…the Holidays stretch looooooooooong & eternal (You know you feel like this too Moms! Don’t you deny it!), and my time will not be my own until School finally re-opens. Until then, the best I can do is snatch a few minutes here, an hour there and try to scratch together a few words. The reason this post is titled Confessions, is because this crazy time (like most crazy times do), has taught me a few things about myself. These are not startling revelations, rather stuff I always knew but have had reinforced recently! And since I have to start somewhere and there’s no time like the present, I thought I would just list a few here.
- I SUCK big time at multi-tasking. I know it’s supposed to be a skill we women are born with, an in-built universal genetic code, but I must have been elsewhere or drunk while the Good Lord was distributing this particular skill-set! Juggling is not a skill I have acquired nor one I plan to acquire anytime soon 😛 I’m at my best when focusing on one thing at any given time, two things…I can usually handle, three things…I can still manage, but beyond that…amnesia, lethargy, procrastination and indifference, set in, leading to general chaos and resultant discontent!
- I’ve had my FILL of Weddings!! Truly!! In my opinion, the only people who enjoy them are the Bride & Groom (if they’re lucky!); people who love dressing to their T’s no matter what the weather (which I observe includes all the teens and twenty-somethings); people who love eating a rehash of the same menu every season; young couples in love who either fantasize or have nightmares about their own nuptials; people who have the energy and inclination to make conversation with the same set of people over a period of 3 days; and busybody ‘aunties’ masquerading as matchmakers! Needless to say, I do not qualify in any category 😉 I’m not good with sameness and the amount of time I’ve been away from Goa has done nothing to endear its weddings to me. Au contraire, I’ve attended three family weddings in the last two years (more than I’ve attended in the last decade!), and I can honestly say – Give Me A Break!
- I tend to live my Life in Phases. Perhaps it has something to do with being the Moon Goddess in a previous incarnation 😉 At any given time, I’m usually deep in the middle of one of these; the ‘Book & Reading’ phase, the ‘TV’ phase, the ‘DVD’ phase, the ‘Writing’ phase, The ‘Mad Photographer’ phase, the ‘Farmville’ phase (though in all honesty, this one is not a phase, more an addiction :P), the ‘Leave Me Alone or Risk Your Life’ phase (this one often runs concurrently with most of the above!)…you get the picture. While I’m in the midst of a particular Phase, everything else takes backseat, and I mean backseat. I can be very obsessive about whatever it is that has my fancy at the time and ignore most everything else. So when I’m in the ‘Reading’ phase, I have no clue what’s on TV, I don’t feel like taking pictures and I don’t write. I can’t! (Refer to 1). I’ve discovered over the years that this can be a fabulous if rather unpopular and uncharitable existence 😛
- Disorganization is the one constant in my existence at the moment and it looks like it’s here to stay for a while. Thoughts imitate Life and though there’s a lot of buzz and static and noise…there’s very little coherence and productivity. It doesn’t help that inspiration always seems to strike when I’m least prepared or deadbeat, usually post midnight when I’m physical exhausted but can’t seem to silence the brain 😛
- I live in what can only be termed ‘The Henhouse’ 😉 But that’s a whole other post!
I know the list sounds like a litany of excuses, and honestly it is that too. But it is also the unfortunate reality of my Life at the moment. I know people with much busier lives than me, with no support, still manage to get the stuff they need to get done, done. That leaves me wondering about my priorities. I know what they are, but I have a tough time sticking with them. Perhaps it’s my inherent flighty, easily bored nature? You think?! And yet, ever so often…someone or something will remind me of how much I love to write and of how I’m a much better version of myself when I do it regularly, and some force will propel me to sit down and write…like it did this post!
And so this post is dedicated to M, and to Maura & to A, who jolted me out of my laziness & complacency 😀 Here’s my reply to M’s short, succinct message, “Actually, the Blog is a Thing of the Future…soon!” So here it is, my comeback post of sorts. It’s not great but it’ll have to do. And you know I cannot sign off without thanking all my friends on & offline who haven’t given up on me and who have been patient beyond the call of duty. I love you all and I couldn’t do it without you 😀 And no, I have not given up Blogging and I hope that makes you as happy as it makes me 😉
See what writing does to me? As I write these last few lines, suddenly All is Well with the World and I’m smiling at the screen 🙂 Ishaan is outside playing cricket. Later tonight, a quiet birthday dinner with Hubby and hopefully tomorrow…a new post. Sounds like a plan? Now if I can just stick with it!! 😛
Happy Monday People 😀