Here we go again…
I’ve been babysitting Junior all by my lonesome since Friday, so Monday morning comes as sweet release 😉 Oh I love my son, but love can be exhausting n’est pas 😛 So I was joyful as he clambered onto the school bus this morning and from the looks of it, so was he 😉 We’ve actually had a fun, relaxed weekend – a bit of the Mall and lots of time playing outside with his friends 😀
Over the weekend, my FB page has been inundated with posts celebrating Mothers on the occasion of Mother’s Day yesterday. I’ll be honest – I had no clue it was Mother’s Day until I saw the posts! I love and respect Mothers as much as the next person, but I don’t keep tabs on ‘Days’. I’ve said this before on countless occasions and I say it again today…I have a love-hate relationship with my Mom. We are completely unlike each other in thought, attitude and manner. I try my best to understand her and I know she does the same for me, but that doesn’t seem to stop us from being at loggerheads over the silliest of things! It’s hard as children, to be non-judgmental where parents are concerned, even when we know better, and are wiser and even when we become mothers ourselves…or maybe that’s just me and the rest of you have it all sorted. My Mom spent a huge chunk of my life, dedicating herself to my brother’s care…he was totally dependent on her and it was a choice both my parents made. While they were busy with him, I was already a rebellious teen, studying Medicine, spreading my wings and thinking myself ‘independent’. I was wrong of course especially about the ‘Independence’, but try telling an adolescent that! They were in Singapore while I finished my basic degree and when they returned it was for my marriage! So for almost all of my adolescence, I lived with my Gran. She was my rock.
Like most people I know, I’ve made a conscious effort for a while now to spare my parents any worries that I might have. It just didn’t seem fair given all that they were going through and because I had acquired the Hubby to pester and rile at 😉 So it’s strangely difficult for me, now that Mom suddenly wants to share every little detail in her Life after decades of relative silence. I find sharing difficult coz it’s become such a habit not to and frankly because I still don’t want to burden her with my troubles. Her life isn’t much improved from what it used to be. She of course insists that her Life is just the way she wants it and I cannot for the life of me understand how that could possibly be! I can see a hundred ways in which I can help and improve her Life, all of which she perceives as ‘condescending’ and ‘interfering’. Sound familiar? Yet every conversation we have of late sounds to me like a litany of troubles and complaints, while she maintains it’s ‘just’ a daily report of her Life and I should listen without reacting. Huh? Really? I realise I’m being silly and juvenile…but when it comes to our parents, aren’t we all? Isn’t that the one ‘no holds barred’ relationship where we’re allowed to be exactly who we are?
Since I’ve moved to Bangalore, it’s become a norm for us to speak every morning. She’s usually the one calling, after Junior and Hubby have left, to catch up on stuff. Frankly, there isn’t much to catch up on when you speak every day but I know that most of her meaningful conversations are now telephonic and that the sound of my voice makes her happy. The sound of hers makes me happy too – it reassures me of her well-being and promises continuity if only for one more day. How important that assurance! I’ve just returned from talking to her – she chided me about not calling yesterday and immediately I felt my ‘hackles rise’. But instead of turning on my inherent smart aleck, I just apologised and had done with it! See? I try and sometimes I even succeed 😉 There are times I wonder whether things would have been different if we had been a ‘normal’ household like any other but then I look around me and I think not! There’s a lot of scary ‘normal’ out there and all said and done, I guess my Life is exactly how I want it! I guess I’m more like my Mom than I care to admit 😛
So here’s a shout-out to Mom’s everywhere – Congratulations on doing the Best you can and Celebrate Yourself every day 😀
Because – YOU’RE TOTALLY WORTH IT 😀 ❤
Happy Monday People!
P.S. I’ve decided to share images from The Happy Page instead of Monkton (at least until he makes more!). I’m just sharing them and take no credit except for my good taste in choosing them 😉
H is for Happiness 
I’m relating to your post, although in a different way….as in “nothing is perfect”. Quite a few of my nieces and nephews wrote these long, glowing accolades on facebook about their moms yesterday. My children didn’t do that, and for a moment I felt a little cheated. Then I had to confront my real feelings about it, and admit that grown children posting “perfect mom” on facebook is kind of silly. It doesn’t even seem truthful or real. I’d much rather have my kids spend some time together with me than write glowing reviews about me for 500 of their closest friends :). I certainly am much more private than that, and in fact if I am very truthful, something like that would embarrass me. Because we all know “nothing is perfect”. Like you say, we all do the best we can do. I had a wonderful Mothers Day because all the kids celebrated in one way or another with me. An honest post, and I loved it so much.
Being a grown child who did not post a glowing mom review on Facebook, I’m glad to hear your perspective, not least of which because it aligns with my own. I did call my mom (and mother in law) who I love very much. My 500 closest friends don’t need to know all that we talked about 😉 Hope you enjoyed your day!
I’m so glad we share this view Heather 😀 I just can’t be all glowy and lovey-dovey about a relationship that is as ‘rooted in reality’ (can you tell I’m trying to be polite here ;)), as this one. All I can be is honest, and that’s something my Mom taught me so this is a tribute of sorts 😛 (Can you tell how now I’m just being downright snarky :P)
I love that you related to this post Wendy and I agree with your perspective too…’Nothing is Perfect’ and although it took me a while to really wrap my head around that thought, once I did, it was liberating 🙂 As for all the loving messages on FB…I know they’re well meant and sincere and authentic – they’re just not me! I’m glad you had a wonderful Mother’sDay being with and celebrated by your kids! Thanks for reading my friend ❤
I can only imagine the fun your husband must have while you and your mom are together! I saw a little joke on The Interwebs the other day that just now makes me think of you. A woman and her husband had gotten into a fight, and she had asked to move in with her mother. Her mom says: No, dear. He has done wrong, and must be punished. I’m moving in with you.
My mom and I went through our toughest times when I was 17. She was going through menopause and taking things out on me (I say this with the honesty of years of clarity – I was top in my class and a total rule-follower. My siblings were not, to say the least, and they did not suffer her wrath like I did.) I made things better by getting married far before my parents were ready for me to, and then promptly moving almost 1,300 miles away for school. Things got much better with distance, and we now enjoy a very close relationship.
Your situation seems absolutely full of pitfalls. I can see how no one could really come out a winner, and so you’re both left trying to make the best of a not great situation. My advice that you’re not asking for: remember that she loves you, and let that be enough. If I’ve learned anything from my family it’s that you can’t fix other people’s problems, even if you have the best solutions. My hugs to both you and your mom…she’s the best one you’ve got 🙂
LOL…that is downright hilarious and downright scary 😀 Although and this might just be me, but Hubby seems to get along with her just fine 😛 Uuurrgh…the irony!
When did you get so wise mon ami? 😀 I totally get what you’re saying and I try as best I can to come to just let Life be. I’ve got much better at it through the years thankfully, but there are still times, especially when she calls with news of some new crisis in the making that I lose it! I try my best to warn her in advance (she’s much too trusting of people), coz I see it coming, but she never does listen…sigh
I’ve always found myself wondering why it is that when I love her like I do, it’s so hard to ‘like’ her! But like you said – she’s the best one I have and she’s probably just the one I need too, coz all said and done – I cannot imagine another 🙂
Glad you shared a bit about your own relationship…I agree with you completely on the distance issue…when we lived in Singapore I had a wonderful relationship with her, although I wonder sometimes whether it was real coz when we visited it was back to scrapping! Still…it is what it is and for the most part…it’s good 🙂 I’m glad though to have friends that I can vent to and who don’t judge me for the fool that I am!