Thursday Thoughts…

Here’s a thought…I am so much more regular when I’ve got a theme going or a challenge. Are you like that? Can you be regular and diligent without a deadline looming? Even if it is a passion? I mean I love to write and take pictures and I like to write poetry too but of late it has forsaken me. I say this because I never seem to be able to think up a poem on my own…as in, when something, anything really, affects me deeply (whether at a conscious or sub-conscious level), I let it stew for a while…ruminate in my soul as it were and see if something emerges. It used to be that a poem would often emerge…scattered words and thoughts that would wander into my consciousness and coalesce gently into an idea and birth an emotion that felt ‘right deep down in my gut’. That’s when I would sit down and put pen to paper and eventually they would flow and make sense.

These days however that happens less and less frequently. I always seem to be ‘doing’ and never taking time out to just ‘be still’. And although I’m doing things I love to do, I crave the stillness that births my poetry and so this morning when a thought came into my head, uncalled for, sudden and persistent, I felt fulfilled…like when you find that elusive piece of the puzzle, that puts everything in the right perspective? Just like that 🙂 It’s just a couple of lines but it helped me understand what’s been going on underneath all that ‘doing’. My family is ageing…everyone I love is growing older, and age brings with it a unique set of circumstance and issues – most of which have appear to have no solutions. And while for the most part I can cope, lately I think the worry & concern that’s never far below the surface must have increased ever so slightly tipping the scales, so that it finally ran over into my consciousness. Well that’s what I think anyway.

And for some reason the first thought that then popped into my head was of this picture of a leaf in it’s final stages that I took ages ago. It’s a favourite of mine…because of the intricate patterns that a bug has created, delicate and fragile like Life itself. And so it is with Dementia…as Time eats away some parts of the brain and spares others, creating patterns that change the very essence of who we thought we once were. So relentless, so merciless, so final. It’s hard to watch the people who were pillars of your world fade away and slowly disappear, while you watch on helpless. It is hard and hurtful and tremendously scary, coz through the constant concern for their well-being, there’s a little anxious voice that whispers, “Will this happen to me too? What if this happens to me?” and “What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?” in a never-ending loop.

And because it is so scary, we push it deep down and cover it with all the ‘stuff’ of Life, until we feel insulated enough to go about our routine as normally as we can. And we get pretty good at the cover-up, so that we begin to believe that things will indeed be alright, until Wham! One day – a thought emerges…

Entropy

P. S. I’ve decided to make ‘Thursday Thoughts’ into a weekly thing…just one more attempt at being regular at writing and a place where I can lighten my load by sharing it with you guys! And don’t worry…not every Thursday will be dark & heavy 😛 It’s not in my nature to stay that way long! What do you think? I’m game if you are.

NaPoWriMo – Day 30: The Last Day!

So, inevitably all good things draw to an end, as does NaPoWriMo 2013! What a journey it has been! When I began – I didn’t expect much – of the contest nor of myself. But of course that’s exactly what Life’s waiting for – for us to make silly assumptions so it can jump right in and show us in just how many ways we are wrong 😛 I have learned a lot about myself through this challenge – first of all being, ‘If the Challenge is Right, I Am Up For It’! Does that make sense? I hope it does coz I have not the words to make it any clearer 😉

Secondly – I really do enjoy poetry 🙂 I’d forgotten until lately how much! Also what I really dig, is the combination of photography and poetry – it’s an irresistibly potent blend for me, and certainly THE reason why I didn’t get bored of this challenge halfway 🙂 The other reason is of course the kindness of my readers who supported and encouraged me with the sweetest words throughout. I could never have done this without you 🙂 Thank You from the bottom of my heart ❤

I was uncertain about what I would do for the last post. I was running out of ideas and was kinda stuck in a rut, until what else but a wheel got me out 😉 This picture is of a random wagon wheel I found on our visit to Wildernest – a fabulous eco-friendly resort on the border of my home state Goa and the state I’m going to be moving to soon – Karnataka! It’s a place after my own heart and there was this wheel just asking to be photographed 😛 You think of wheels and automatically motion comes to mind. Static wheels don’t seem as attractive do they? I always associate wheels with either the relentless march of time or mankind’s relentless progress towards…don’t really know the answer to that…but towards a better future I suppose!

And yet – the importance of a resting wheel is paramount isn’t it? Long drives are hard on their rubber and the constant friction with the road can cause meltdowns…you’re getting where I’m going with this right?! So although they take us wherever we want to go, it’s important that we pay attention to their well-being; cause after all, ‘A driver is only as good as his wheels’! Non? 😉 And so I just thought this was a perfect way to say Goodbye to this year’s NaPoWriMo, while ending with the promise of a new beginning 🙂 Life mirrors the virtual world I guess…because after I’m back from vacation, we’ll be moving from Mumbai to Bangalore! So the wheels are resting for now, recouping and recuperating for the drive to Bangalore!

Safe Journeys to all my Friends 🙂

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NaPoWriMo – Day 29

Here we go – the penultimate post for NaPoWriMo 2013…and I’m still having a hard time believing I manged thus far 🙂 I’m really proud of myself coz I’m generally a great starter but a poor finisher – I get bored easily and restless even quicker 😛 I’m also happy that taking part in this challenge helped me find my way back to the poet inside 🙂 I had, well not forgotten, but buried her deep beneath all the other labels that define who I am. Now that she’s had her time to shine – I’m happy and so is she 😀

This picture was taken at a Butterfly Park en route from Phoenix to Vegas. I forget the name, but the Monarchs were in town and boy aren’t they beautiful?! I cannot believe I spent most of my childhood screaming and running around like a headless chicken every time I saw a moth or butterfly that had wandered into the house drawn by the lights!! Now their powdery velvet wings and iridescent colors fascinate me, and although I still don’t like to get too close (it’s just a thing I have :P), I have no issues getting close enough to take pictures 😉

Metamorphosis is one of my favorite words in the English language! It’s a lyrical way of talking about change, and once again, a word with positive connotations! Positive Change – What’s not to like?!

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NaPoWriMo – Day 28

Today is my Gran’s Birthday. She turns 87 today! I’ve written about her recently and mentioned her fragile present condition. She’s doing OK and hanging in there – but just about. And my wish on her Birthday for her and perhaps selfishly for us too – the women who are closest to her, who came through her and who LOVE her from the depths of their souls – is for Dignity & Grace when the end should come. Its with mixed feelings that I write this – it’s not an easy wish to make on her Birthday.

But how LUCKY am I to have been raised by a woman of her principles and gumption? She is as I’ve mentioned in several earlier posts – a consummate warrior and survivor – and happily for me – she’s raised me to be that way too. And although I will never be as accomplished and strong as she is – I know she’s proud of me. And that to me is the only thing that matters.

Sorry if this is overly sentimental…writing about her always makes me feel this way!

Love you Aai

Rose

NaPoWriMo – Day 27

Another picture I can’t remember having taken but one that instantly soothed me – especially on a day like today, which is going to be crazy with traveling in the big bad city!! Green will do that for you 🙂 These days in the run-up to the coming time of alleged relaxation 😉 (Are you ever really relaxed with a 5-yr-old in tow I wonder? :P), I’m feeling exactly like – you guessed it – a busy little bee! Not a bad thing except that I’m buzzing about in the kind of temperatures that make me want to migrate permanently to The North Pole!!

Maybe that’s what this little bee was thinking too – just wanting a break from all the work that they constantly seem engaged in! If this isn’t a bee, I’m sorry! It sure like like one to my inexperienced eyes! Either way, makes for a pretty picture don’t you think? And like her – quite literally, I too will be looking forward to my bed at the end of what promises to be a long if enjoyable day! 

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NaPoWriMo – Day 26

My trusty shoes! Old now, but it’s like wine with shoes isn’t it? The older the vintage – the better the fit, that kind of thing?! No? Is it just me with my weird feet that take their own sweet time to get friendly with their footwear?! But once they do…Oh the JOY 😀 The comfort of a well-fitted shoe is one of the best feelings in the world! They slide on and off your feet like a second skin – cushioning, painless and easy. They make you feel like you could walk to the Moon and back and be none the worse for wear 😉 Oh well, to the Market down the road then 😛

This well worn pair has traveled with me on many journeys and walked down many exciting roads! They’ve stepped in puddles and worse, been stamped on, drenched in the rain, splattered with mud, served as bug-home on occasion – and survived! They’ve jumped for joy and danced to music and on occasion have caused painful blisters (but that was when they were young and immature ;)) – rather like the feet in them 😛 Today, almost 5 years after I first bought them – they are still my favorite, trusted travel shoes. I have others, (Of course I do! Girls and shoes – you get the picture ;)), but none that fit or feel quite like these – good, solid, with a rubber sole and a steady grip, they make me feel like I could walk forever. Honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better companion on my journeys! So a trip around the world or a walk in the park – I say…Bring it On!

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NaPoWriMo – Day 25

Yoohoo!! It’s a mini Silver Jubilee of sorts on NaPoWriMo – 25 days today and I cannot believe I’ve posted 25 Haiku 🙂 I’ve met so many incredibly talented poets and writers on this journey and am having a ball – interacting with them and reading their work. Very inspiring 🙂

Abundance is one of my favorite words – for obvious reasons! The promise of plenty is always comforting but Abundance has a ring to it that is heartening as well. Its inherently lyrical and positive vibes make it very appealing! Every since I heard Sarah Ban Breathnach expound her Simple Abundance theory on Oprah way back when I still watched, I began to look at it with fresh perspective. Her idea is not new nor original and summed up means ‘Celebrate the Simple Things in Life’, which lets face it is something we hear a million times in one lifetime! But I guess it clicked that once in a new way somewhere in my head and I’m a happier person for it 🙂

And what can be simpler than the joy of watching the Monsoon in its full Glory! Raindrops and puddles, steaming hot cuppas and crisp, crunchy ‘bhajias’ (fritters), warm quilts and the world awash in life giving aqua?! The Indian Monsoon is a special force of Nature – Fierce, Destructive and Life-Giving. I hope it comes on time this year and is kind to us puny humans! Here is my own tiny homage to its Magnificence!!

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P.S. I’ve done a little research and apparently Haiku (in English) do not have to stick rigidly to the principle of 5-7-5 syllables in 3 lines. The idea or perhaps aim is a better word; one of the aims of a Haiku is to depict a moment in time and juxtaposition two seemingly separate ideas with minimal word sounds. Although in English the Japanese ‘On’ or word sounds are interpreted as ‘syllables’, they are not identical. So in this Haiku, I have wandered from the rule and am very happy to have done so! I never was one for rigid rules 😉